


A Mother's Song

by 3hree6ix5ive



Series: Blessed Are Those Who See and Are Silent [2]
Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Gay Relationship, Falling In Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:21:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22727563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3hree6ix5ive/pseuds/3hree6ix5ive
Summary: Part of her hoped military school would be good for Adam, that the distance from his father would allow him to flourish. She knew that wasn't the case when they were told he was getting kicked out. Her fears were confirmed when they went to pick him up and she saw Adam at school entrance, frozen in place when he laid eyes on his father. Though she couldn't hear what he was saying, she knew he was asking his Headmaster if he could stay, that he preferred military school over them, possibly even over her.
Relationships: Eric Effiong/Adam Groff
Series: Blessed Are Those Who See and Are Silent [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1634317
Comments: 15
Kudos: 179





	A Mother's Song

**Author's Note:**

> I think I'm going to turn fics these into a series. They won't be sequential chapters, but one-shots told from different charcter's observations of Adam and Adam and Eric. 
> 
> This ended up being a bit more melancholy than I intended, and I think the strained relationship I have with my mother crept in here. Unlike my life, this ends on a hopeful note.

Maureen Groff looks up from her magazine when she hears laughter coming from her son’s room. While he does that a lot more now, it’s been so long since she heard him laugh that the sound jolts her out of whatever she’s doing. It confirms that she made the right decision, that separation from Michael was long overdue, because it's been emotionally and psychologically freeing for both her and for Adam. While she’s attempting new things and is making friends, the change in Adam has been remarkable. He's back to school at Moordale, found a job walking dogs that he loves, has a small circle of friends, and of course, there’s his boyfriend Eric.

Adam hasn't mentioned anything, but she's pretty sure Eric has become more than just a boyfriend, that somewhere in the course of their budding relationship Adam has fallen in love. She’s noticed it in a text or a call that makes his eyes light up, when he comes home after a date with a jump in his step, in the light smile lets her know he’s thinking of Eric. 

She's gotten to know Eric quite well in the last few months and finds his energy awe-inspiring. She often comes home to find Eric’s shoes at the front door and Adam’s bedroom door closed. She knows they're probably having sex and she should insist on a bedroom-door-open-when-your-boyfriend-is-over rule, but Adam has been unhappy for so long, some of it due to her negligence, and she doesn't want to do anything else that will make Adam unhappy. So, she asked Jean for advice — they've become close friends since she left Michael — and, after some comforting words and a few glasses of wine, Maureen decides to slip condoms and lube in the drawer beside Adam's bed. _Eric is kind and generous_ , Jean said, _and at least you know what your child is doing and who he's with. Most parents don't have that luxury._

Maureen can’t remember the last time Adam was happy. No, that's a lie, she remembers it quite clearly. It was Adam's sixth birthday and he wanted to go the park. She had to get things ready for his birthday party so she tasked Michael with taking him. Michael argued at first, insisting that his parental role was as disciplinarian, but upon her insistence he relented. Adam cheered and hugged her tightly before running to the park as fast as he could, with his father yelling and chasing after him. When they returned an hour later, Michael was scowling and Adam had a scrapped knee and a sullen look on his face. He wouldn’t tell her what happened, wouldn’t let her kiss the scrape better, and wouldn’t let her replace the ugly brown band-aid with one with a Spider-Man design. He sat through his birthday party, silent and morose, and didn't even react when she brought out the Spider-Man cake she made for him.

She tried asking her husband what had happened, but he waved her off, telling her not to worry because Adam had been told that it was time to set childish foolishness aside. She realizes now that Michael seemed to take her silence as agreement that yes, it was time for six-year-old Adam to grow up, and he became impatient and cold with Adam. He found fault with everything Adam did and constantly compared Adam to their daughter. As Michael grew more and more frustrated with Adam, Adam, in turn, became more and more withdrawn. 

Michael had been patient and wonderful with their daughter so she had been surprised when Michael became visibly upset when she announced her pregnancy. While she had been thrilled, Michael made it clear that he didn't have time for chasing after another child. And, even though they had only planned on one, Maureen hoped Michael would feel differently after she gave birth.

He didn't. 

Maureen isn't sure if it's because their daughter was eight when she became pregnant with Adam and didn't rely on them as much as she had when she was younger and Michael liked having more time to himself, or because he had started eyeing a position as Headmaster, or because he saw something different in Adam, that Adam was soft, needy, and lacked self-confidence. But, everything with Adam was different. Whereas their daughter excelled in school, Adam struggled. She loved sports, Adam had no interest. Everything seemed to come easily for their daughter, while Adam stumbled his way through life.

Part of her hoped military school would be good for Adam, that the distance from his father would allow him to flourish. She knew that wasn't the case when they were told he was getting kicked out. Her fears were confirmed when they went to pick him up and she saw Adam at the school entrance, frozen in place when he laid eyes on his father. Though she couldn't hear what he was saying, she knew he was asking his Headmaster if he could stay, that he preferred military school over them, possibly even over her.

His pain hit her as she watched Adam drag himself to their car. He didn't look at her, didn't even say hello. He sat in the back of the car, his large body taking up most of the back seat. He looked defeated, like a scared little boy, and wouldn't even look to her for reassurance and comfort when Michael threatened to kick him out of the house. Not that she could blame him. She had let him down and she knew it. There was no love in their home, no patience, no kindness. No _hellos_ and _how was your days._ No smiles, hugs, kind words, or affection. Why would anyone voluntarily come back to that? 

She didn't realize how starved Adam was for affection until seeing him with Eric. He always reached for Eric's hand, greeted Eric with a soft kiss and a warm hug, sat close enough to Eric so their bodies touched, looked for any reason to touch Eric. How could she not know that her son longed to touch and be touched?

She thinks back to when she first met Eric. She had come home after bowling with a Facebook group to find Adam and Eric sitting at the kitchen table, speaking in hushed tones. Whatever Eric was saying had Adam’s undivided attention. There were many other things to notice about Eric, his bright smile, the way his clothes stood in contrast to the pale tones in the house, but what struck her most was the way Adam looked at him, like Eric was the sun, the moon, and the stars. 

Later, after Eric left, Adam helped clean her up the kitchen, “I like your friend,” Maureen handed him a plate, “he’s very vibrant, isn't he?”

Adam coughed uncomfortably so Maureen stopped what she was doing and looked at him. He started to speak, hesitating for a few seconds before taking a deep breath, “Eric, he’s … he’s not just my friend. He’s my … we’re … I mean, uhh … I’m bisexual.” 

_Oh._ She had suspected for quite some time now that Adam wasn't only attracted to women, noticed that he'd sometimes look at other boys his age when he thought no one was watching him, just had a feeling that her son may not be heterosexual. She debated approaching the subject, but decided against it. Adam had always been so tightly wound that she feared the conversation would be a disaster. 

“I know,” she nodded, “and thank you for telling me.” Adam didn't say anything to that, just blinked at her, speechless, so she added, “I was waiting for you to say something.”

“How did you know?”

“Just a feeling I guess. Mothers know things.”

“You're not disappointed in me?”

“No. No. Not ever. No,” she shook her head, desperately needing him to hear her. “I only want you to be happy. Does Eric make you happy?”

Adam chewed his bottom lip, “did Dad know too?” 

“I'm not sure,” she sat at the kitchen table, “your father needs things spelled out for him.”

“But maybe … maybe he always knew too and this is why he hates me?”

“Oh Adam,” she shook her head, “your father doesn't hate you.”

“I don't believe you.”

It had broken her to hear Adam say that, to know he felt strongly that his father hated him, that there was no point in trying to convince him otherwise because it was likely too late to repair that broken relationship, because actions mean more than words, and Michael's words and actions demonstrated anything but love. She held back a tear, hoping Adam wouldn't notice. “Tell me how things started with Eric.”

Adam looked at her then, like he was trying to understand her motivation for wanting to know more about him, about his life. She knew he was holding back some information, but still, he explained that things between them started just before military school, and how he came back to Eric having a boyfriend who was smart, cultured, and affectionate. He talked about sneaking out at night to see Eric after he got back, how he had run to the play, how Eric picked him over his boyfriend. 

“What did your father say?” she asked. 

Adam looked away at that, “he stopped the play soon after, so we left and came here,” he shrugged, “I really didn't want to hear what he had to say anyways.”

She understood what Adam left unsaid, that he didn't want his father to ruin his euphoria, that he wanted to ride a natural high for as long as he could. 

“Mum, don’t let him send me away again, please? I really don't want to go now.”

Hearing Adam beg for her protection just like he had before he was driven off to military school, made her heart shatter. She had failed Adam so many times over the years, let him down when she didn't admonish Michael's harsh words and awful treatment of him, neglected him by not offering hugs, kisses, and reassuring words, deserted him when she let Michael take him away. 

When she promised she wouldn't let that happen again, Adam pursed his lips and nodded once. She could tell he didn't quite believe her. If actions mattered more than words, Adam had no reason to trust her sincerity given her own actions.

“I should have done more to protect you,” she took his hand, “I should have stood up to your father.” 

She's ready for Adam to disagree with her, tell her he doesn't hold anything against her, so she was shocked when Adam yanked his hand away from her like her touch burned. And though physical gestures hadn't been part of how they communicated as a family in years, it hurt given the tactile affection she observed with Eric. 

“Yes, you should have," Adam nodded, “so, why didn't you?”

“I ... I don't know,” she looked away, “I guess I'm not brave like you.”

“I didn't need you to be brave,” Adam clenched his hands in a fist, “I just needed you to be my mum. I just needed to know that someone lov- that … that there was nothing wrong with me. Why couldn’t you do that?”

Adam looked at her with such sadness, that she wondered if it was too late to repair their relationship too, questioned if he could forgive her, wasn’t even sure she was worthy of absolution. 

“MUM,” Maureen startles from her reverie when Adam touches her shoulder. She opens her eyes and sees concern all over her son’s face. “I’ve said your name twice. I’m supposed to see a film with Eric, Ola, and Lily, but I ... I could stay home if you need something?"

“I’m fine," Maureen shakes her head, despite everything, Adam still felt bound by duty as her son, "just daydreaming," she holds up the magazine in her hands, "this article isn't very interesting I'm afraid. Go. Have fun with your friends.” 

Adam looks back at her, unconvinced. She considers telling him that's she's thinking back and is filled with regret, but knows that's not Adam's burden to carry. It's hers and hers alone. She's trying to think of some way to reassure him when she's saved by a knock at the door. She motions for him to answer.

"Hi," Adam greets their visitor and Maureen knows it's Eric from the tenderness in his voice.

He looks back at her once more, silently asking if he should stay, but she shoos him out of the house. She watches Adam and Eric walk away, hand in hand, as they make their way to the bus stop, and feels a sudden sadness wash over her. She's not sure how to fix things with Adam, knowing a sincere apology is the best place to start, uncertain how she'll react if Adam doesn't accept it. 

Then, Adam turns and catches her watching him from the window. He smiles and lifts up his hand in a small wave. She’s not sure why this simple gesture affects her so deeply, but she's overcome with a warm feeling. She smiles and waves back. She can’t go back, _they_ can’t go back, but watching her son with his boyfriend, she thinks they might both be ready to move forward.


End file.
